


sleep awhile here in my arms (cause i'm not leaving)

by justsomejerk



Series: Let Alex Manes bang the hot guy 2k20 (aka Alex + Forest) [3]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alex Manes Deserves Nice Things, Alex has nightmares, Blow Jobs, Discussion of PTSD, Established Relationship, Forrest's POV, Kyle Valenti (Minor), M/M, References to Smut, Written Pre-S2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:28:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21865240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justsomejerk/pseuds/justsomejerk
Summary: When things get too real between him and Forest, Alex tries to push his new boyfriend away, but Forest won’t go without a fight.
Relationships: Forrest Long/Alex Manes
Series: Let Alex Manes bang the hot guy 2k20 (aka Alex + Forest) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1514165
Comments: 13
Kudos: 63





	sleep awhile here in my arms (cause i'm not leaving)

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was born out of my desire to see Alex with someone who wants him to develop healthy coping mechanisms. Also someone who loves, praises and takes care of him because Alex Manes deserves it.
> 
> Title is from Keane's I'm Not Leaving.
> 
> Unbeta'd.

Flowers in one hand and a bag containing chicken soup and cough drops in the other, Forest is nervously standing on the balls of his feet as he listens for the footsteps behind Alex’s front door. 

The air is punched from his lungs when someone who _isn’t_ Alex answers the door. After midnight, on a Saturday, when only hours earlier he had texted him claiming to have a life-ending cold.

It takes Forest a split second to place the guy in front of him. It’s that childhood friend of his, Kyle. The one who used to be a dick in high school and Alex has apparently decided is worth forgiving, though Forest is wary.

“Forest. It’s past midnight. What are you doing here?” Kyle’s tone is carefully neutral. He moves his body to block the view of the living room and Forest’s heartbeat kicks up a few notches. 

He shouldn’t have come. He thought he was being paranoid about Alex pulling away from him in the past week. The few nights he came over, he left before Forest had even pulled boxers on. He was unresponsive. His texts were shorter than usual. 

When he claimed he was sick, Forest wanted to believe him. He’s never met anyone like Alex Manes before, and he’s already so beyond infatuated after only a month of dating. But he has to admit to himself, a small part of him came over tonight to see if Alex was telling him the truth.

“I- Alex said he was sick.” He cranes his neck, trying to see over Kyle’s shoulder. He catches movement from the general vicinity of the couch. 

“He is. And he's contagious, so you shouldn't be here.”

“Alex?” Forest calls his name, and tries not to flinch at the overly concerned tone in his voice. _Get a grip_ , he lectures himself. He's probably already scared Alex away with the intensity of his feelings, and now he's interrupted him hooking up with his high school bully. Apparently _that_ is more appealing than the guy who is perfectly understanding about having 3 dates in a row cancelled or interrupted so he could run off to meet his cowboy ex-boyfriend or his too hot to be straight doctor best friend. 

“Forest. It's nice that you came, but you should really go.” Kyle's voice is stern but not unkind. 

“Kyle, it's okay. Let him in.” Alex's voice is muffled and low, but Forest can hear it's weak. _Maybe he really_ is _sick_. 

Kyle hesitates for only a moment before moving aside to let Forest step into the dimly lit cabin. It takes a second but when he is able to focus on Alex, grimacing from the couch, he instantly notices the slump in his shoulders, the worry lines etched in his forehead. The bone-deep exhaustion that emanates from his entire being. 

His boyfriend gives him a weak smile. “I’m sorry I lied about being sick.”

Forest sighs, tilts his head and walks close enough to pull out the soup and set it down on the coffee table, placing it in front of him. “I won’t be mad as long as you eat this soup I went to the great effort of ordering and picking up from that place you like by the UFO Emporium.”

Alex tilts his face to look up at him. He flinches a little when he reaches an arm for the soup and doesn’t succeed in covering it up quickly enough for it to go unnoticed by Forest. A moment of silence hangs between them as Alex seems to consider him. His eyes hold a hint of bafflement when he finally speaks: “Why did you come here after all my excuses?”

Before Forest can respond, Kyle clears his throat behind them. “I think that’s my cue to leave.”

They barely acknowledge Kyle as he ducks out the door. Forest idly thinks he must have parked around the house, considering he hadn’t seen his vehicle out front. 

He takes a seat beside his exhausted and clearly minorly injured boyfriend. Despite the bad timing and the fact that they have things to discuss, for a few seconds, Forest can only think about the last time he was on this couch. A week and a half ago, Alex was on his knees, his head nudged between Forest's naked thighs. They'd only just started easing into dirty talk and Alex was doing that thing with his long fingers wrapped around his base while his swirling tongue did something absolutely insane to his frenulum, and somehow he'd chosen _that_ precise moment to make a breathless joke about how much dick-sucking experience Alex must have gotten in the military. He’d been cradling Alex’s cheek in his palm, gently nudging at his own hard shape inside his mouth, so he felt it the instant Alex tensed up. 

He froze up entirely, even his tongue. He hadn’t looked Forest in the eye as he pulled off, letting his rigid cock bob against his sweat-soaked abdomen. 

“Shit. Alex, I’m so-”

“It’s fine. My jaw is just a bit sore from going at it so long. I’m gonna grab some water. You want some?”

“Uh, I guess-” Alex didn’t let him finish responding before turning his back to him and heading into the kitchen. His voice had gone distant and strained and Forest figured maybe he should give him a few minutes before apologizing and asking what he said wrong.

But he didn’t get the chance, because after a few minutes of sipping water on the couch in silence, Alex announced, “I’m actually pretty beat, and I’ve got some work to catch up on tomorrow. I should get to bed.” He stood as he said it.

Forest felt his heart sink down into his stomach. _I fucked this up._

He stood to look Alex in the eye, his head tilted upward. Keeping his arms firmly at his sides, he responds, “If you’ve really got work to do, I’ll leave. But if I just said the wrong thing and you’re quietly resenting me, I’d rather stay and talk about it.”

In response, Alex did that expressive thing he does with his eyebrows that always makes Forest feel like he’s gonna fall helplessly in love with this guy sooner rather than later. He stared at Forest for what felt like forever, studying him like a puzzle missing a piece. 

Finally, with a slight shake of his head, Alex took a seat on the couch. 

Forest hurriedly perched beside him, trying to hide the satisfied smile on his face.

“I don’t like talking about my experiences in the Air Force.” He stated it as though it were a full explanation, no elaboration needed. Forest raised one eyebrow and gave him a look requesting something further. Alex sighed, turned away. “I guess- I don’t really like talking about being gay in the Air Force. Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was still a thing when I started, and though there were a few guys over the years, none of it was serious. Or, you know, public. Everything had to be a secret.”

Forest pursed his lips. _So it’s about shame_. “I’m sorry. That should have occurred to me. I didn’t mean to make a joke of it.”

Alex turned back to him. A small smile crept across his face, erasing the tense worry and evasiveness, and he crinkled his eyes. “I know you didn’t. I overreacted.”

“No, you didn’t. You reacted exactly the way you needed to in the moment, and I’m glad. I know you better now.” Forest knew his heart eyes were out of control as he squeezed Alex’s forearm and moved closer on the couch, but he couldn’t help it. Alex Manes was so easy to fall for. 

That night marked the first time Alex removed his prosthesis before they had sex. Their first night together was memorable - after leaving Saturn’s Ring and heading to Forest’s apartment, Alex remained fully dressed in a suit and teased a fully nude Forest for hours before finally pulling three orgasms out of him faster than he’d ever previously thought possible.

But knowing Alex trusted him enough to finally be so exposed to him felt like entering a new phase in their relationship. That was Forest’s favourite night with Alex so far.

But the memory of that perfect night feels tainted now, with Alex avoiding that kind of vulnerability ever since.

Sitting beside Alex on the couch now, Forest lays his hands on his own knees and squeezes. Unsure what else to say, he utters an elongated, “So,” into the heavy silence between them. “Why was Dr. Kyle here? If you’re not sick, I mean. Was he checking your shoulder?”

“The shoulder's fine, just overworked it." Forest feels himself flinch at that comment. He's pretty sure he was wrong about his knee-jerk assumption that Alex was hooking up with Kyle, but his insecurities are in overdrive right now. "Kyle just worries too much. I'm working a lot and I haven’t been sleeping, so sometimes he just shows up to give me doctor lectures.”

He takes a moment to let that sink in. 

“Well, I know you haven't been sleeping, considering you’ve made the 45-minute drive out here at 2 am from my apartment three times this week. Not that I’m mad or anything... I guess I'm just worried about you too.”

Alex closes his eyes and lets out a long, controlled breath. 

Forest watches his profile as he regains his composure and soothes himself. Even now, when it feels like Alex is about to let him down easy, he wants to tangle his fingers in his hair and massage into his scalp. He wants to be the one soothing him back from those little moments when he goes somewhere else, forgetting himself and his surroundings to some memory of war or violence or bloodshed. He wants to be the peace Alex never quite gives himself. 

“There are a lot of things I can’t tell you about my life. My security clearance means I can’t discuss certain things with you.”

“I know you can’t talk to me about the details, but you can talk to me about how all of it makes you feel. Or at least talk to someone. I just want you to be okay.” Forest tries to add that last statement as a light afterthought, but it comes out earnest and dripping with concern instead. He decides to dive in fully and continues, “Sometimes you have these moments when you look so haunted and I feel so helpless. I want to make this better for you, but I don’t know how. And I know we don't know each other well enough for you to open up, but I, um.. Well, I started researching PTSD. That's what this is, right?”

Alex pauses now, looks down at his feet. He leans his body closer to Forest, though without making contact. Forest can see the thoughts percolating behind his eyes and watches as Alex bites his bottom lip. He wants to reach out and touch him, but it feels like the wrong moment. 

“I have nightmares.”

“Oh.” Forest pauses before continuing. “That's why you don't spend the night?”

Alex finally looks him in the eye and hesitates just long enough that Forest knows he won't be getting the full truth from him. But partial truths are a start. “Yes. Something happened a few months back, something I can't talk about, but I started having nightmares again afterwards. Sometimes I can get pretty violent. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Forest bites his lip and tentatively sets a palm on Alex’s knee. “I’m willing to risk it. Whatever happens, we’ll deal with it. This is just part of who you are, and I want to know all of you.”

Alex jerks his head back at that statement, shock on his face. “Don’t say that. You don’t know what you’re asking for.”

“No, I don’t. I’m saying I want to try regardless of the things you want to keep hidden from me.” Forest stares back at him, determined and unflinching. He wants Alex to know he’s staying, if he wants him. 

Alex’s face is a mess of confusion and awe and pain. His voice cracks and Forest is sure his eyes water as he asks, “Why?”

“Because you’re incredible. And completely worth _any_ risks.” He tilts his head, injecting all the fondness he feels into his tone, and squeezes Alex’s knee. “Maybe you didn’t get the message by me driving out to the middle of nowhere at midnight uninvited to spoonfeed you soup in bed while you blow snot all over the place, but I really like you.” Alex rolls his eyes at that and he visibly grimaces when it causes the first tears to spill over onto his cheeks. He sharply turns his head away to wipe at his face, but Forest reaches out, taking his chin between two fingers and gingerly turns him back to face him. Alex doesn’t resist when his fingers drift to caress his cheek and cradle his jaw. “You don’t have to give me any details for me to know you’ve been through a lot. I can tell when your father comes up in conversation. When Michael or Maria’s names are mentioned. How stubbornly you avoid talking about the military. I’m not going to force you to talk about any of that until you want to. All I ask is, if you like me too, just let me be here _with_ you until then. Let me take care of you. You _deserve_ to be taken care of, Alex. And if you’re ever comfortable with it, you deserve to be the arm candy that I show off around town.” Alex finally cracks a smile and blushes through the tears streaming down his face. He leans his head into Forest’s hand and places a kiss to his palm, moving closer until their knees are pressing against one another. 

“You’re ridiculous.” He manages to mumble before he takes both hands and returns the favour, cradling Forest’s head and pulling it close until they are leaning their foreheads together.

“Maybe so, but you are by far the hottest person I have ever dated and it’s genuinely baffling to me that you’ve apparently never been told. I feel like I need to parade you around to every Roswell hot spot every weekend and point out every time someone is staring at you-”

“Oh my god, shut up!” Alex is now jokingly shoving Forest back into the couch and giggling. His eyes are still catching the dim light and his cheeks remain wet, but he has stopped crying, so Forest continues, clutching onto Alex’s hands even as he shakes his head at him in amusement.

“Which they _are_. Everyone is looking at me and wondering how the fuck the new blue-haired weirdo even got you! Do you know how jealous everyone is knowing _I’m_ the one who gets to brush my fingers through your hair? That _I’m_ the one who gets to enjoy the body hiding underneath your leather jackets?”

“The one who gets to endure dating the broken guy with PTSD and half a leg?” Alex barely conceals the bitterness underneath his light tone as he playfully tangles their fingers together between their bodies. 

Forest uses their enjoined hands to pull Alex onto his lap, one hand circling his waist and holding on tight as he counters Alex's bleak summary of himself. “The one lucky enough to date the brave hero who gets up everyday and continues breathing and trying in spite of _everything_ and whose dedication to physical therapy has given him the most impressive core strength and stamina I’ve ever had the pleasure of experiencing. And I emphasize the word _pleasure_ because god _damn_ , Alex. You’re a fucking marvel with your tongue and your dick and your _everything_.” 

Alex’s eye roll in response is truly a thing to behold; Forest is surprised his eyes don’t fall out of his head. “You really don't have to exaggerate, Forest. I already like you.”

“No. Manes, this self-deprecation will not stand anymore.” Despite the joking tone, Forest looks up at Alex with genuinely loving eyes. With a palm rubbing soothing circles into the small of his back and their enjoined hands clutched close to his heart, Forest keeps going. “You make what is by far the best mac and cheese I've ever tasted. Your stubborn defence of Danger! At the Picture Show is admirable, if a little misguided. Your willingness to wear whatever you want in this town full of racist conservatives and liberal hypocrites is brave as hell. I don't know much about your relationship with your family, but I know you set yourself apart from them. You are your own man and that is incredible in a way I don't think you even understand, but I hope you do one day. The only flaw as far as I can see is your determination to pretend french fries taste good dipped in milkshakes and, while that _is_ disturbing, it is tolerable.”

“Are you done?”

Forest crooks an eyebrow, his eyes flicking between Alex's dark eyes and pink lips. The arm Alex has slung casually around his shoulders tightens as he looks down at him with a skeptical expression. 

He gives Alex's waist a squeeze before leaning in and giving him a long, deep kiss. Alex moans into it, pulling himself closer so they are chest to chest and thoroughly wrapped around each other. 

Alex finds himself straddling his boyfriend when they pull apart. “You know, I can't tell from that speech if you want to fuck me or _be_ me.”

“Oh, was the kiss not clear? It's the first option. I _definitely_ wanna fuck you.”

Alex leans his forehead against Forest’s. “Then I think it's time you get started.”

Forest smiles up at him, giggling in spite of himself. He hesitates before he responds. “Can I stay the night? Or is it too soon?”

Something tenses in Alex’s expression. He stares at Forest’s lips as he responds: “I’ve never been with someone when I’ve had the nightmares. I don’t know what I’ll do.”

Forest tilts his head thoughtfully, squeezing Alex’s waist in what he hopes is a comforting gesture. “I read that I shouldn’t touch you. But that I should remind you of where you are and who you’re with. Do you think that could help?”

Alex leans back on Forest’s knees and bites his lower lip. His expression is unreadable and his voice cracks when he responds. “Y-yeah. Um, yeah. We can try that.”

Forest beams and propels himself forward out of his position slumped against the couch and strains to give his boyfriend a quick peck on the lips. “And if that doesn’t work, we’ll try something else. Whatever you need, I’m here.”

Forest can read his expression now - Alex is in awe. He looks astonished at what Forest thinks is a pretty basic show of support. _I really have my work cut out for me with this one. And God, it’s gonna be so worth it._

“Are you sure?” Alex’s eyes are wide and vulnerable.

Forest immediately and decisively responds, “Yes.”

Alex half-smiles in response. He briefly licks his lower lip and takes a deep breath before standing and holding out an outstretched hand in invitation.

Forest accepts it and Alex leads them to his bedroom.


End file.
